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….unstructured, unplanned, unorganized alone time…to relax, to daydream, to just plain think….
Too often we overschedule kids into activities without thinking about the added stresses this may create.
Somehow we got the notion that WE are responsible for our kids’ happiness. So we give kids videos, babysitters, classes, sports, i-gadgets, computers, field trips or some stimulating activity to keep them busy all the time. We don’t need to–they don’t need it!
Kids, even babies, need alone time to solve their own problems, cope with separation, and be responsible for their own happiness.
Make sure your children each have adequate alone time…..please!
We have a habit of asking, “okay?” at the end of a direction.
Do you say any of these?
“Wash your hands now, okay?”
“We’re going in the car, okay?”
“Finish your dinner now, okay?”
“It’s time to take your bath, okay?”
“Time for bed, okay?”
“Mommy’s going to work now, okay?”
If you are guilty of asking questions like these, are you asking permission of the child? I don’t think so. Each of these questions gives your child the chance to say “NO, it’s not okay. I refuse. I’ll do the opposite.”
Why express this as a choice when there really isn’t a choice?
You leave yourself wide open for defiance!
What would yo do if your child said, “No, it’s not okay.”
It’s just a bad habit!
Drop the okay and make a statement:
“Wash your hands now.”
“We’re going in the car.”
“Finish your dinner now.”
“It’s time to take your bath.”
“Time for bed.”
“Mommy’s going to work now.”
Give your child a clear, concise message. Tell your child what you expect…before you expect it.
It’s a lot easier for children to follow directions when there isn’t a “get-out-of-doing-it clause.” No “…okay?” when it isn’t a choice.
Fear. Fear is the basis of all stress. Parents’ stress is basically being afraid of not knowing what to do, how to handle (read: control) their kids.
Fear manifests as frustration, concern, worry, guilt, tension, anxiety, anger and more.
Parents are frustrated over their kids’ misbehavior, concerned about their kids’ learning and worried about their grades. They feel guilty about not spending time with their kids and not being able to give them what they want. They are tense about their children being liked and accepted by others, they are anxious about where their kids are and with whom. They are angry about their kids’ bad manners.
These stressors can cause parents to lose sleep which causes lack of patience, which causes negative reactions to children’s naturally immature behaviors.
Stress comes from fear and fear comes from feeling out of control.
What stresses you? What can you do about it?
Having one large, centrally located family calendar is important for many reasons:
• it recognizes the importance of the individual while fostering a sense of belonging to
the family unit
• it teaches organizational skills
• it helps develop empathy for others’ needs
• it allows everyone to “see” the passage of time
You may be saying, I keep a calendar in my phone/computer etc… and my spouse does as well. That’s fine, but it doesn’t show the family’s plans as a whole and no one else can see it. Children play no part in a personal calendar.
A family calendar, on the other hand, displayed prominently in a common area, whether erasable, color-coded, or with pictures or stickers teaches the importance of planning and keeps all family members on track and on time! It says, “We work together…I’m important, you’re important…Our activities are important.”
Do you have a family calendar?
What does it look like?
How does it work for you?
What is bad parenting?
Everybody has their own idea of what constitutes “bad parenting.” Some think bad parenting is:
• emotional, physical or verbal abuse
• conditional love or showing no love at all
• not paying attention to their children
• being too strict or too permissive
• misunderstanding misbehavior
• not recognizing that children are little and human
• not knowing the developmental needs of children
• using the same discipline method over and over with negative results
Or is bad parenting just not knowing any better?
What is bad parenting to you?
The worst mistake parents make is, arguably, putting their children ahead of their adult relationship. When the children come first, the marriage ultimately suffers and it eventually causes the family to fall apart. Parents need to connect and reconnect on an adult level without their kids.
Parents need time alone with each other whether it’s a weekly Date Night or a special time set aside daily for quality communication. Kids need to know that their parents are important to each other and witness the appropriate displays of affection that accompany a loving relationship.
Parents are children’s first and most significant role models for marriage and family life. Date Night is not only important for parents, but for their children as well!
How do you explain that Mommy and Daddy are going out alone or just need alone time at home?
Each of us has a distinct style of parenting. Although it may change from time to time or situation to situation, one will definitely stand out as a primary style. Not sure which style is yours? Just ask your child, but be prepared for the answer!
The 5 Styles of Parenting are:
1. angry parenting
2. controlling parenting
3. permissive parenting
4. wishy washy parenting
5. fair, firm and fun parenting
What is your current parenting style?
Do you like it? Do you want to change it?
To which one do you aspire?
Which one is the hardest on the child?*
You were raised by parents who each favored one of these styles, thereby influencing not only your life in a major way, but your own parenting skills today. You either copied or rejected their styles. Parenting style match-ups are as interesting and complex as astrological pairings!
What were your parents’ styles? What parenting skill did you copy from them–positive or negative? How did your parents handle sibling rivalry?
* Answer: wishy washy–the child never knows what to expect (for example: a hit or a hug).
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