Excerpted from THE CARE or REPAIR of CHILDREN'S SELF-ESTEEM:
 #1 Love your child unconditionally. Show your affection, and let your child show affection for you.
WHY
Love is a parent's supreme asset. It's both the foundation for, and the greatest single builder of, self-esteem. Children have an infinite capacity to love with incredible intensity, and are virtual love sponges. Children who feel loved and lovable have high self-esteem.
The feeling of being loved, or unloved, by his parents affects a child's entire life and determines how he'll learn, grow, and develop. Loving unconditionally means not just loving your child when he's clean, quiet, hugging you, or getting an "A" in arithmetic. It means loving him when he screams in the store or bites you, when he spills a bucket of paint, fails a spelling test, or loses his allowance. It means you love him末and forgive him末even when he embarrasses you, insults you, misbehaves, disappoints you, or frustrates you.
Kids who can feel their caregivers' love are more resilient from negative influences and outside threats to their developing self-esteem. They do better in school, have healthier relationships, and make optimal life choices. It's important also that children feel safe enough to express their intrinsic need to show their love and feel confident giving love to others, especially their parents.
Unconditional love is not linked to appearance, behavior, or performance in any way. It says, "You're valuable for who you are, not for what you do," and, "You're important to me. I love you no matter what." Give your child lots of unconditional love for healthy self-esteem末his and your own末and you will get plenty of return on your investment.
Here's how....
# 22 Speak with your child in positive language.
WHY
Speaking is the most powerful way in which we influence children's self-esteem. Words have strong meanings to children because their perceptions are limited, and their reasoning and logic are underdeveloped. Things are either "big or little," issues are either "black or white," people are either "good or bad." Children take our words literally. Words are fleeting, yet the damage they inflict can often be irreparable, while the benefits they produce can be permanent.
Speaking is more than words: it's sounds, silence, inflection, gestures and body language. When your body language doesn't match your words, you lose your credibility. Children sense subtle inconsistencies like where your eyes are looking, whether your mouth is smiling or frowning, if your head is nodding or shaking, and what your hands are doing.
We need only spend a few minutes in a grocery store or other public place to overhear the shameful verbal abuse parents dispense to their children末continually. You can almost see the children's self-esteem bungee-jump into the depths of confusion.
Positive language is an art and doesn't just happen. To speak affirmatively requires a willingness to change and lots of practice末lots. Positive language must come naturally末must become a habit末so abusive words don't instantly jump out or precious time is not wasted deliberately choosing words.
Keep positive phrases at the tip of your consciousness so they can slide easily off your tongue. Start practicing before your child's birth if you can末or right now!
Here they are....
The Care or Repair of Children's Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is the axis upon which a child's whole life revolves. This easy-to-read book categorized by age and peppered with appealing photographs, explores 42 vital prescriptions for healthy self-esteem and contains a tear-out poster for quick references. Recommended for all ages as therapy or maintenance.
Prescriptions excerpted from the book:
Project a Belief in Your Child's Basic Goodness, and Accept Her Just the Way She Is
Honor Your Child's Body, and Help Her Respect It and Feel Comfortable in It
Create an Emotionally Safe Environment for Your Child
Give Your Child Plenty of Undivided Attention, and Make Time to Play
Say "Yes" to Your Child as Often as Possible
Appreciate and Celebrate Your Child's Uniqueness
Instill a Strong Sense of Belonging in Your Child
Allow Your Child to Keep His Own Developmental Power
Assist Your Child in Cultivating and Maintaining Friendships
Respect Your Child's Right to Privacy
Develop Your Child's Sense of Humor, and Teach Him That Happiness Comes from Within
Stimulate Your Child to Be Assertive and Take Calculated Risks
Provide Healthy "Alone Time" for Your Child Every Day
Permit Your Child to Make Decisions and Solve His Own Problems
Teach Your Child That All Behavior Has Consequences
Help Your Child Learn How to Separate Comfortably
Model and Teach Manners and Morality
Foster Creativity in Your Child
Discipline Fairly, with Respect and Love
Entrust Your Child with Age-Appropriate Responsibilities
Let Your Child Make Mistakes, and Teach Forgiveness
Alleviate Your Child's Fears and Guilt
Trust Your Child, and Be Trustworthy Yourself
Convey to Your Child That He Is Living in a Predictable, Supportive Environment, and Help Make It So
Promote Goal-Setting, and Give Your Child Guidance
Encourage Your Child, and Believe in Him
Communicate the Importance of Developing One's Mind
Set Reasonable Expectations for Your Child
Support Your Child in Handling (Dis)Stress, Anger, and Frustration
Show Your Child How to Cope with Pain末of Disappointment, Defeat, Failure, Teasing, Rejection, and Feelings of Inadequacy
Accentuate the Positive, and Affirm a Belief that Wonderful Things Are Possible for Your Child
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